But otherwise it’s a good start for a first attempt. I’d love to see it cleaned up and fleshed out a little more!anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 03:11:18Oh yah mate more more more pleaseeeeeeeeeee«1» 4 comments«1»sammielovedollReport 2012-04-10 21:34:55More soon guys! But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us. 4 comments«1»sammielovedollReport 2012-04-10 21:34:55More soon guys! But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us. 4 comments«1»sammielovedollReport 2012-04-10 21:34:55More soon guys! But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us. But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us. I’d love to see it cleaned up and fleshed out a little more!anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 03:11:18Oh yah mate more more more pleaseeeeeeeeeee«1» I also fixed it.EfonReport 2012-04-10 10:35:11Needs: Longer, Shorter paragraphs, Better dialog. I’d love to see it cleaned up and fleshed out a little more!anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 03:11:18Oh yah mate more more more pleaseeeeeeeeeee«1» Is the the girl just really naive, or stupid, or is she trying to seduce her dad?anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 04:39:18Your story has some good bones. I’d love to see it cleaned up and fleshed out a little more!anonymous readerReport 2012-04-10 03:11:18Oh yah mate more
