The second thing that could be improved is detail. For something like this, a little back-story could be a great help.anonymous readerReport 2013-02-27 23:33:55Not bad but add some more detail«1» When did this become a lesson in writing and when did people that post on here have to be graded for their contributions? Porn videos You need to work on your detail and the story length. A few area’s for improvement though. Yes, a bit more detail also helps the reader understand what’s going on. Instead of critisizing just read and move to the next story don’t bring a person down for having the guts to post here. When did this become a lesson in writing and when did people that post on here have to be graded for their contributions? Try separating the paragraphs out so that it is more readable. You need to work on your detail and the story length. Don’t be afraid to write and add paragraphs/grammar. 5 comments«1»anonymous readerReport 2013-03-10 20:05:14Are you all kidding me? If you don’t like it them move onanonymous readerReport 2013-02-28 22:16:38I gave you a negative for this one.
